Rape is Not a Female Problem
In a restaurant, last week, we were seated near a group of thirtysomething year olds, four women and two men. After some inconsequential tittle tattle, one of the women brought up Trump’s ‘misogyny’ and then got on to Gisele Pelicot, 72, the French women who has become a feminist heroine for her courageous stand against the many men who used and abused her. Her 71 year old husband Dominique, has admitted drugging her and inviting over 70 men to rape her. While he watched. The women at the table shared disbelief and revulsion, while, first, one of the blokes, then the other slunk off to the loo. When they were back, one of the women fiercely turned on them: ‘You see, you men don’t talk about rape. It’s like it is not your problem’. ‘That’s not fair. Not all men’, retorted one. The conversation moved swiftly on.
Back in the days ( the 70s) when tough feminists like Andrea Dworkin seemed to brand all men rapists and all penetrative intercourse, rape, I too thought those assertions iniquitous and unfair. But now, like the lady above, I too am losing patience with men who do not violate females, yet are content to let things be, to see it as a female issue. Tolerating rape is a violation too, chaps. Think about that.
We who came out for Sarah Everard, abducted, raped and murdered by a serving police officer and for all other similar victims of sadistic male domination, thought our eruptive anger would deeply affect men, and trigger fundamental reforms in society and the criminal justice system. But the words and demos were like fireworks. They blazed and died away.
A senior police officer has just warned that the 1,400 rape allegations made in Scotland in the space of six months this year could be “the tip of the iceberg“. The figure is 19.5% higher than in the same period last year. Last month, data from the Met revealed that a rape offence is reported every hour in London. These are verified, BBC reports.
Pelicot was a victim of organised crime by the man she was married to for 50 years. She has chosen to appear in open court, to humiliate and mortify him and all those who so callously handled and penetrated her comatose body. The shame, she says, is theirs, not hers. The Guardian journalist Angelique Chrisafis, has profiled many of the accused. One of them is a 26 year old soldier; another, 55, previously an anaesthetic nurse; a prison warder, 34; a forty year old computer expert with two degrees; a fire officer, 72, who now owns a pizzeria, several lorry drivers and builders, a butcher, 54, supermarket worker, 44, a father, 43, who had given up work to care for his disabled son… A mixture of white and Arab Frenchmen, most are married and have children.
One message posted on a wall opposite the entrance to the Avignon courthouse says: “Gisèle, women thank you,” Now wouldn’t it be gratifying to read another which said: ‘ Gisele, we men honour you’? Won’t happen, can’t happen.
After Everard’s murder, Suzanne Harrington expressed the unspoken thoughts of many women: ‘Yes, all men are part of the problem. Yes, all men need to own it, and take action. Yes, all men are complicit in rape culture unless they are actively calling out rape culture. Not all men are rapists, obviously, but most rapists are men. Not all men are catcallers, harassers, intimidators, murderers, but the massive majority of those who perpetrate these crimes and behaviours are men.
So holding up your hands and saying you’re one of the good guys is not enough; being a fantastic partner is not enough; being woke / feminist / on message is not enough. You need to do more. You need to be active, not passive or neutral. You need to police each other, to intervene, to butt in, to call out’ Irish Examiner 24th March 2021 In other words, guys, get out of your comfort zones and activate your conscience. Stand with your wives and partners, your daughters, mothers, sisters, aunts, the other half of humanity. Do it for us and yourself.
I now understand that Dworkin was not a man-hater. She used shock tactics to teach people what rape did to victims and perpetrators. She wanted folk to understand that most rapists were not psychos, but ‘normal’ chaps. And she challenged men to change:
‘[Women] do not want to do the work of helping you to believe in your humanity. We cannot do it anymore. We have always tried. We have been repaid with systematic exploitation and systematic abuse. You are going to have to do this yourselves from now on and you know it.’ https://robertwjensen.org/articles/this-strong-feminist-voice-was-hardly-a-man-hater/
That was fifty years ago. How much longer can we wait?